Another to come next Monday!

Week Three: “Hear me roar!”

(borrowed from Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/pin/554787247817947974 )

This week was a long continuous struggle with writing. It is an absolute paradox to me that something that is so invigorating and rewarding to me, also can be such a pain in my butt. Instead of a smooth working relationship, my writing and I occasionally become locked a viscous wrestling match.

This week was one of those times.

Simple emails, this blog, and especially my novel were almost nonentities these past few days. Words were a twisted jumbled mess in my brain and came out even uglier. Things that normally took a few minutes to jot down, took closer to an hour. Resisting the urge to throw my coffee and the nearest human being, I took the time to ask why? This week’s 30 seconds was used to look at my blocks in life.

Tucked away neatly behind my blocks to writing, is fear.

Fear is my driving force behind resistance.

Fear of failure.

Fear of imperfection.

Fear of vulner-

abil

ity.

It takes a lot of courage to let it go. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to put it all out there. The blank all-knowing, all-showing page of paper can be my sword, if I let it. It is a fact I often forget. Weeks like this, give me the imagery of a lion looking in the mirror and seeing a mouse, instead of the strong, fierce being it is. It is not the writing I am struggling with; it is myself.  When I am feeling small I will set my pen down and tell that mirror it is wrong!

I am strong.

I am brave!

I can do it!

Next week: When I run into a block I will take my 30 seconds to roar like the lion I am and remember that I am capable of anything!

Stay tuned! More to come next Monday!

Week Two: “To Run, or Not To Run: That is the Question.”

This week I have heard a series of strange creaking, cracking noises coming from various parts of my body. Apparently, it has decided to become its own orchestra of pain instead of the cool, running machine I want it to be. 

My entire childhood I thought adults were lying to me, or at the very least exaggerating, when they moaned about this ailment or the next, warning, that it would someday happen to me. Kids! Be warned! It is not a lie! Father time is here to kick ass.

Seriously body, I am not an eighty-year-old woman, no matter what you are trying to say. As I am racked, left and right, with shin splints, knee pain, foot pain, hell, even elbow pain (I still can’t figure out why…) it is then, that I am left with the dilemma: to run or not to run….

This is where I meet an old nemesis: doubt. Am I being a baby, or do I risk worse injury by running?

I finally splurged and got a running coach. It turns out that I am not alone. I am not the only runner that ended up hobbling home sooner than anticipated, feeling like they were just hit by a rather large bus. I am not the only one to start to lose heart. With a smile, my coach asked me not to give up hope. The secret to finding my Zen in working out: listen to my body (even if we happen to be fighting at the moment). It knows when it needs to rest and when it needs a run.

When the pain hits I take a deep breath and a quick 30 seconds

       to tune into my body.  

I remind myself it is only temporary

REST is AN important part of running

It is ok

I’m ok

Come on, stop lying to me Dad.

Run or Walk, Jog or Sleep, It is all a part of improving my body. I get so caught up in the goal or the stats of running: I ran 1 mile today, I ran 4 miles the next, that I forget that the reason I started running in the first place was to feel healthy. How can that happen if I run my body into the ground?

Week two: I take the scheduled breaks my running coach gave me and a little more if needed. :)

Week One: “No more monkeys jumping on the brain!”

This last week I took on a mantra of Rampage = bad.

At times my life seems to be out of my control, but how could that be possible when it is so hopelessly mundane. – Or so it seems, at least when compared to my childhood dreams and goals. We all did it: we gave ourselves dramatic goals that we were supposed to have already accomplished two or three years ago. But no one ever told us what to do when it came time to “pay the piper” and we were still paying student loans…

I was supposed to be traveling the world or at least saving it by now. How have I not discovered the cure for cancer? Or been scuba diving? Life is flying me by and I keep missing the flight!

I beat myself up and wonder what have I had been doing this whole time, but I am only 27. I am not due for a mid-life crisis for another 15 years!

It is times like these that I have to remember to breathe. It is so easy to get caught in my brain and beat to the point of hysterics by expectations.

I take my 30 seconds and remember that I am perfect.

I am exactly were I need to be.

There is nothing that I need to have done. No where I need to be.

I am Perfect.

I am

I am

Just who I need to be.

San Tan Valley, Arizona 2012 Shot by Angelina Spence

There is beauty everywhere, even in dusty San Tan Valley, Arizona. I don’t need to be scaling mountains in Europe to see wonder. It can be found right here in my back yard.

Life is not over. True, I cannot go back and relive the past ten years, but I can choose what I do for the next ten. Today, may not be the day that I go scuba diving in the Coral Reefs in Australia, but it can be the day that I sign up for scuba lessons.

Week one: I quiet my brain and take one tiny step towards my dream.

Mesa, Arizona 2012  Shot by Angelina Spence

Monday September 30th

Stay tuned folks! The first post to come on Monday!